who i am become(ing)

i spoke in my departmental chapel today. people knew i was talking and came, too. they said i did well, said good things, ideas, but all i knew was my fear and unsureness. why would they listen to me? who am i that i have any insight to offer?
these things keep cropping up lately, these opportunities of responsibility and dare i say it, leadership. i'm just a(n outwardly) quiet girl, trying to write her papers and finish the semester. why do people keep assuming that i am responsible, capable, or any of the things that would recommend me for : speaking in chapel as a representative of my study abroad trip : doing dorm tours and telling prospective students about our honors' program : being the main speaker for chapel ?
it is strange to think of myself in this way. and yet, it is somewhat edifying. isn't this the idea of the person that i always thought, hoped i could be? someone others appreciate, listen to, dare i say look up to? but i'm getting ahead of myself. when i was young i was told i was a natural leader. failed middle school STUCO runs and high school in general told me that was a lie. but now, people seem to think that again... what do i do about that?
it is interesting to view myself in this new light. tonight i was even nominated for a position in my social service club. i may not take the nomination or get any votes, but then what if i do? what if i am... competent? responsible? SOCIABLE? who am i then?
{well as always, I know whose I am, and am comforted by His love and grace alone.}

that's about all for my late night post.

maybe one day i'll even end up as an ADULT. *collective gasps*

~hannah 華

PS watch this video: http://vimeo.com/37119711 #stopkoneynow